本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛The Season of Relationship Problems
By Daniel Rutley
The holiday season can be especially wonderful for those in love. When things are going well this time of year is simply magical. However, when the relationship is struggling, differences and problems seem to be amplified.
It is important to understand that being rushed or distracted and dealing with minor emergencies (that really aren’t) as well as our sense of societal expectations – in other words, stress – just make things worse and solving problems more difficult. If you are in a happy and loving relationship – celebrate! If you are experiencing problems in your relationship – take a time-out from working on the problems... or at least as much as possible.
Many problems can be ignored... for a short time anyway. Since this time of year is NOT a good time to try to solve relationship difficulties, put the issues on hold until the new year. Make an agreement with your partner (let him or her read this article) and focus on the strengths and benefits of your relationship.
If you were to remember why you got into your current relationship, you would likely find many positives that still exist. But it is so easy to focus on the negatives and the hassles because any form of pain draws your attention to it. It’s just the nature of pain. The problem is that we so often focus almost exclusively on the pain and virtually forget about all the wonderful positives that still exist.
So, for this month, try to focus on the positives as much as possible. Unless a problem is critical (such as forms of abuse or other excessive behaviour) try your best to ignore or deal with the issues from a gentler, more loving and tolerant perspective. It’s not that you should endlessly ignore problems or suggest to your partner that the issues no longer exist. Just sidestep them for a short while and remember what is truly important.
Mostly we squabble about small things that often seem like huge catastrophes. We forget why we got into the relationship in the first place. We look to the other person to fulfill us or make us happy. We have often abdicated responsibility for our own happiness. We forgot about such qualities as tolerance, patience, forgiveness, self-discipline, respect, honour, appreciation, acceptance and not just loving, but “liking.”
Couples who laugh together tend to stay together. Pick your battles very carefully and let the little things go. If it really won’t be a big deal a month, a week, a day or an hour from now, what is the big deal? Don’t miss the importance of the big picture because you are stuck obsessing over the little hassles and problems.
Here are some things you can do to make this season a little brighter and more loving:
1. Get into the holiday spirit together!
2. Do new things that your partner likes or would like to try. Be flexible and be giving – and enjoy doing it. Remember, this is a loving present you are giving.
3. More than anything, develop a habit of looking for the positives in your partner.
4. Treat yourself as you would your very best friend. Compliment, encourage and praise yourself, giving yourself emotional support. Now, do the same for your partner.
5. Encourage happiness in your partner with praise, respect and sincere appreciation. Genuinely listen with interest, and share with love. Laugh together.
Happy holidays to you and yours.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
By Daniel Rutley
The holiday season can be especially wonderful for those in love. When things are going well this time of year is simply magical. However, when the relationship is struggling, differences and problems seem to be amplified.
It is important to understand that being rushed or distracted and dealing with minor emergencies (that really aren’t) as well as our sense of societal expectations – in other words, stress – just make things worse and solving problems more difficult. If you are in a happy and loving relationship – celebrate! If you are experiencing problems in your relationship – take a time-out from working on the problems... or at least as much as possible.
Many problems can be ignored... for a short time anyway. Since this time of year is NOT a good time to try to solve relationship difficulties, put the issues on hold until the new year. Make an agreement with your partner (let him or her read this article) and focus on the strengths and benefits of your relationship.
If you were to remember why you got into your current relationship, you would likely find many positives that still exist. But it is so easy to focus on the negatives and the hassles because any form of pain draws your attention to it. It’s just the nature of pain. The problem is that we so often focus almost exclusively on the pain and virtually forget about all the wonderful positives that still exist.
So, for this month, try to focus on the positives as much as possible. Unless a problem is critical (such as forms of abuse or other excessive behaviour) try your best to ignore or deal with the issues from a gentler, more loving and tolerant perspective. It’s not that you should endlessly ignore problems or suggest to your partner that the issues no longer exist. Just sidestep them for a short while and remember what is truly important.
Mostly we squabble about small things that often seem like huge catastrophes. We forget why we got into the relationship in the first place. We look to the other person to fulfill us or make us happy. We have often abdicated responsibility for our own happiness. We forgot about such qualities as tolerance, patience, forgiveness, self-discipline, respect, honour, appreciation, acceptance and not just loving, but “liking.”
Couples who laugh together tend to stay together. Pick your battles very carefully and let the little things go. If it really won’t be a big deal a month, a week, a day or an hour from now, what is the big deal? Don’t miss the importance of the big picture because you are stuck obsessing over the little hassles and problems.
Here are some things you can do to make this season a little brighter and more loving:
1. Get into the holiday spirit together!
2. Do new things that your partner likes or would like to try. Be flexible and be giving – and enjoy doing it. Remember, this is a loving present you are giving.
3. More than anything, develop a habit of looking for the positives in your partner.
4. Treat yourself as you would your very best friend. Compliment, encourage and praise yourself, giving yourself emotional support. Now, do the same for your partner.
5. Encourage happiness in your partner with praise, respect and sincere appreciation. Genuinely listen with interest, and share with love. Laugh together.
Happy holidays to you and yours.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net