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well, disagree, it is NOT a shame to be on fu li...

in this society, there are always the needy, if a society is purely capitalist, especially in a cold place as Canada, not all people can survive the winter.

of course it is not an honour either, but if people really need it, how can a gov't eliminate such programmes? we chinese are too 'ai mian zi' and 'pan bi'---diffrent ppl have different way of life---'ni dang guan, wo ban zhuan' (you become an officer, i move the bricks)

btw, the entitled can apply for 'fu li fang', single-parent with 1 kid MUST apply for 2-bedroom apt.
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  • 枫下沙龙 / 谈天说地 / 请帮助:单身母亲在加怎样照顾孩子?万分感谢! 我是个单身母亲,不忍母子分离,想把孩子一同带到加拿大,但是,碍于新环境的残酷和加国的儿童保护法律,又觉得十分没有把握。我无在加谋生的一技之长,准备是先考虑在加读书,以求谋生发展.
    我无在加谋生的一技之长,准备是先考虑在加读书,以求谋生发展,请问有经验的朋友,象我这种情况能带好孩子吗,如果我有事不得不外出时她怎么办?女儿只有四岁,在加有没有寄宿类的幼儿园?她能适应加国的语言环境吗?不胜感激!
    • you will have a very tough time,
      as immmigrant, although you are entitled to apply for sunsidy for kids' daycare, it is still hard for you coz you need to study---normally daycare will be close by 5:30pm, every extra minute probably will cost you if you cannot take the kid, not mentioning the daycare spot and subsidy application needs a long wait

      if you don't have a car, it is difficult esp in winter. language will not be a problem, u need to worryher Chinese. good luck

      4yr old is relatively easy to get into day care.
    • 没什么好说的,只有一声叹息。
      以前说过了,一个很熟的朋友, 带个小男孩,如果不是她这里的亲戚给她资助,她根本没有办法生存下去。 政府给小孩的那点牛奶费,根本不够小孩的花费。 你这种情况,为什么一定要出国呢?我在国外混了几年,现在最大的希望倒是回到属于自己的国家去。你自己做好了吃苦的准备,可小孩在那样的环境长大,对他公平吗?对他心智会有什么影响。这里长大的中国孩子,有一个共同的特点: 缺乏自信心。 这也是为什么在美国真正创业的中国人都是第一代移民, 而不是从小在这里生长的。 移民之路,对有些人合适,但对你,我敢说绝对不合适。
      • 敢在别人的问题上将“绝对”2个字的人, 我看还是应该多混混, 世界很大,多走走多看看,你就不会讲太多的绝对了。
        • The only part I haven't been to in the whole world is Africa..
          • 有些人就喜欢不懂装懂瞎教训人,理他们做甚?
          • 农夫连自己家的院子还没走遍,你就敢说除了africa走遍了全世界?世界大着叻,三人行必有我师。
            • literally, you're right.. I haven't stepped on every inch of my condo either...
          • Oh, My god. 看奥运会时, 那几百个国家我连名自都叫不全. 你都去过了?佩服佩服! 比环球八十一天长点吧? 你不用上班吗? 要不你高寿?
      • Heihei, read my post, you will see another example. I suggest your friend to study from my friend. BTW, why don't you go back China since you like it so much? :P
        • hahaha, Shou.
        • The woman I know is in the college too, she gets 17000 a year as a student loan.
          本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛That's the max you can get. taking off the tuition fee, she ended up with only around 1000 a month, You know the living expense in Toronto, The reason she is still okay is because her family happened to be here and provides her with a free apartment. Raising a child is very expensive,
          she has to buy toys for her son, eating out once a while. Still, her son doesn't feel very happy in the school, because he knows that his mom is poor. Think about the child, the childhood poverty, compounded by the fact that he comes from the third world, can have a very serious impact in his mental development. I don't know how your friend could manage to have a good life , it will be helpful for others if you can give more details.

          As far as myself is concerned, I am one of the founders of this company and I have to stay in the company for 4 years in order to be able to excise all the stock options I had been entitled. Of course I like China very much, because that's where I am from. The higher I went, the more experience I had, the more I realized that no matter how good my English is, how sophisticated I have become, or how advanced my skill set is, those people sitting up there always think I am a chink. The only way out of it is to be a proud chink.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
          • 万水千山走扁, 小小的Stock options算社么?我看你应该去非洲看看,在那里你也许会晤的。hehe.
    • it is good for you to 想把孩子一同带到加拿大, but you need to settle down first. as last resort, you may apply for social benefits (fu li), years ago, single-parent with a kid can get more than $1000, now budget cuts may cause a less amount. tough
    • 4岁的小孩上寄宿幼儿园有点太残酷了吧。别让孩子将来抱怨你一辈子。我有个大学同学,现在提起小时候上全托,还耿耿于怀呢。
      • 谢谢各位朋友,只是心已碎,离开斯地也许是唯一选择,而女儿则是我目前唯一的勇气,不想再失去她,想尽全力给她完整的家庭的爱,不然,她留在国内只怕有更多的痛苦。
        • 哈哈,怎么很多事情你们一描述显得多么残酷似的,移民,生活,在正常不过的事情,何必这么悲壮啊,轻松地生活,愉快地移民,干吗啊你?
          性格特别特殊?还是儿女情长太重?别把正常的事情搞得跟多么了不得似的,多少单身母亲比你差远了,没必要这么自寻烦恼吧?什么心已碎。。。。好悲壮哩:)
        • 如果你到VANCOUVER,我可以帮你白天看孩子(一直到她上小学,全免费,我现在和将来都决定当HOME MAKER),尽管放心,我先生和孩子都支持。后面有我的联系方式,请查找。
    • 你这情况真的很难,赶紧找个劳工吧。
    • 据说单身母亲没有足够收入可以拿到$1300/月, 在BC省. 不知确切否, 或有什么条件和限制. 可以喳查这方面的政策
    • 我的朋友的朋友,是个单身母亲。就是因为她无一技之长,一直上学,尚且过得很好,我的朋友才决定移民,并以此为例劝我移民的。
      有个华裔美国人告诉我,在这里,什么都可以怕,就不怕没钱。你真的一旦穷困潦倒一文不名了,你的好日子就开始了。

      我的EMAIL是 yourrollor@yahoo.ca 。把你的详细情况告诉我,我帮你问问。
    • I know one single mother get $900 from government per month in Toronto. It's only afford simple life. She also got some help (toys, clothes) from some community center, even though she doesn't speak English.
    • Personally,just my opinion. I think living on welfare is a shame and it will have dramatic impact on a child's psych. . Of course it doesn't include those who claim EI, because they are getting what they have paid for.
      • well, disagree, it is NOT a shame to be on fu li...
        in this society, there are always the needy, if a society is purely capitalist, especially in a cold place as Canada, not all people can survive the winter.

        of course it is not an honour either, but if people really need it, how can a gov't eliminate such programmes? we chinese are too 'ai mian zi' and 'pan bi'---diffrent ppl have different way of life---'ni dang guan, wo ban zhuan' (you become an officer, i move the bricks)

        btw, the entitled can apply for 'fu li fang', single-parent with 1 kid MUST apply for 2-bedroom apt.
        • You are right, I may have misled people by using the word "shame".
          The shame I used here means the child might feel it shameful that his
          family lives on the welfare. You know, in schools, chindren can be extremely cruel. So, bringing up a minority child is a very difficult job here, you have to be sure that you can handle it, otherwise, it might turn into
          a tragedy of life time.
          • yes kids are cruel, but
            be confident, be assertive!!! i DO NOT see any problem in that. are you afraid of the white? why put self in a 'minority' position? in this world
            who pa who? :)
      • besides, it is significantly different for one to live on welfare for the rest of his/her life or just as a trasnsition phase of life. it has nothing to do with EI.
    • 我身边的真人真事,单亲妈妈带一个孩子5岁,头三年上high school & college(Seneca),然后工作,现在已经是加拿大人,快6年了.她的忠告:把你孩子带过来吧!
      daycare is closed at 6:10pm
      • What she said is:
        i put XXX in daycare for 3 years
        and also entitled for subsidy
        haha, i experienced all of those
        it is fun!!
        tell her it is fun!!
        i miss the day when i carried XXX work 45 mins walk home
        he remembers it!!
        XXX was 4.5 years old when we came here
    • 生活不就是有点开心, 有点痛苦, 有点挣扎, 有点希望。。我想你的女儿一定想和她母亲一起享受加拿大的清馨空气。Happy mother day!
      • To tell you the truth, this person is the one I mentioned. You guys can't be more qualified than her to talk about it. Listen to her, ask her for suggestion! :) You're really admirable mom, anytang!
    • For kids, it is very quick to suit here's life. The key is how you think your current life. If you dislike it, just come here to canada, there are more chance than in china for you.
      When we came here, my daughter is 4 yrs old, at the beginning , she dislike here, even crying once in while. But after half year, she loves here. So don't think about too much about kids. they learn language and here's life just like breath air, very nature.

      Good luck!
    • 俺来到加拿大3个多月啦,没有工作,照样苦中取乐,笑呵呵地生活,一个养尊处优的人生好无聊啊,嘿嘿。女儿在加拿大有什么不好?比在国内接受“简述社会主义制度比资本主义的优越性"类型的教育我看要好。害怕歧视?哪儿没有歧视啊?中国没有吗?俺是乡下人,这点体会很深。
    • 真诚谢谢各位朋友的关心与帮助!--单身母亲尚影。
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛打开网站的时候,竟然吓了一跳,没想到有这么多热心和好心的朋友在为我和帆儿考虑,我和母亲一条一条地仔细阅读朋友们发的信息,感激之情不胜言表,在看到朋友们有所争执之际,心中又不免惴惴不安,不管怎样的建议,赞成还是反对,其实都是真心希望对我和象我这样的单身母亲父亲有所帮助,我和全家都非常感谢。

      尤其是温哥华的Jason朋友,你们夫妻的至高无尚的爱心真正是让我感动得无以复加,真的希望将来有机会能带孩子去看看你们,让孩子知道有这么多关心过她的叔叔阿姨,还有小受,Anytang和Rollar,希望能和你们都取得联系,从你们和朋友的经历中多吸取一点勇气。也感谢Numnum, 你的提醒会让我多一些理智和冷静。

      其实我父母都已退休,孩子留在国内衣食起居她们可以照顾得很好,但越是临近行期,我越是痛苦难当,每每抱着孩子都不忍放手,眼泪在鼻楞上打转转,这小小的可人儿已经没有正常的父爱,身为母亲,我觉得我更有责任尽全力给她一个完整的家庭之爱,而不是把她留在父母身边一走子之,她懂事以后会觉得父母都在潜意识里遗弃了她。反过来说,正是经历了一些人生挫折,我才反省到,孩子生下来的这几年,我总是借口忙于工作,忙于学习,忙于朋友,忙于应酬,而没有花更多的时间陪陪她,现在才深深悔悟到,什么是人生中最重要的东西,那就是你爱和爱你的亲人。我已经失去很多东西了,再也不愿意有一天回到国内,发现我已经失去我的女儿。

      诚然我知道带孩子到加真正是一个考验,但我想只要见到她无忧无虑的笑脸,我就会觉得再大的苦也是一种快乐的过程,也许这对我,也是一种再生和激励。其实孩子哪里懂得什么艰与苦,我看她无论吃什么住什么穿什么一天到晚总是开心得不得了,最多需要克服的就是她会想外公外婆而已。

      我自己是独生女儿,孙女儿是父母的命根子,他们顾然不舍得孩子跟我在加吃苦,但还是认为无论如何我都必须肩负起抚养孩子的义务,这不仅仅是生活质量的问题,而是母爱是不可替代的,会对孩子一生产生最大的影响,如果我把她扔在国内一走几年,她长大后会更难以原谅我,接近我,你们说是吗?

      我的计划是,先登陆,落实好一些情况后,再回国接孩子,当然如果我能把父母申请到加,哪怕是探亲一段时间,照顾孩子就问题少多了。如果能象你们所言加国还有些生活方面的资助,那就更上解决了我们的大负担了。

      至于决定赴加,其实跟应该在什么地方发展没有关系,这应该是我个人和孩子人生路上的一步棋,出国生活和工作一段时间一直是我的梦想,以前因为种种原因一直放弃,现在年近三十,我想再放弃机会是一种遗憾了,我并不一定完全崇尚国外的生活,但觉得有一段海外生活的经历会是人生和素质和能力的一种丰富,至于说将来会在什么地方,这个完全可以以后决定,很大的可能还是会回到中国。

      雅词面试的时候,考官问我为什么想到移民的时候,我告诉他,三岁的女儿性格内向,在幼儿园不是老师心目中的好孩子,我想宽松的国外教育机制会对她有好处,我说到这儿的时候,竟不由红了眼,考官说,你早就该带孩子去国外了。工作中我接触很多有国外背景的朋友同事,我发现有多国生活经历的人往往性格和心智似乎都要成熟宽容一些,所以我觉得孩子跟着我,虽然会吃很多苦头,也许会十岁的时候就不得不自己做饭洗衣,但不一定比放在我父母跟前做娇生惯养的小公主强,各位爸爸妈妈,你们说呢?

      我将于本月下旬依依不舍离开我可爱的女儿和家人赴多伦多,然后怎样让家人团聚将是我的下一个目标,再次一并谢谢各位朋友的关心和友情,我的邮件地址是 cherry214@21cn.com 希望朋友们继续与我保持联系,更希望能多为我提供这方面的信息,也希望能和各位真诚的好心人交个朋友。

      谢谢枫下论坛,让我又一次体会到人间的温情。我会保留大家的邮件地址和你们联系,也祝Anytang, Jason, Uglyduck和所有母亲们母亲节快乐!

      请浏览小家伙的照片:
      http://cn.y42.photos.yahoo.com/cherrychen126更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • 好人呐!去吧,孩子在那里会很开心的、那里是孩子的天堂。
      • 好可爱的小家伙,祝你母亲节快乐!祝你生活幸福,Enjoy 每一天!
      • What a cute girl! I happen to have a 5-year-old boy, Joking...
        Anyway, do the best expectation, and worst preparation. Feel free to contact me after you get Toronto. At least we could share my son's toys with you, but have no dolls.
      • 我认为最好的计划
        你自己先登陆。安定以后再回去接她 OR 让朋友带过来。
        原因如下:
        1 KID 不能独自在家,必须有成人照顾。否则违法。
        2 KID 只有2。5小时在学校
        3 你有许多事情要办。带着小孩不光你受累,小孩更受罪。
        4 DAYCARE 很贵
        5 找房受限制(以后小孩来,房东就无可耐和了)
        6 当你不顺利的时候,会影响小孩的心理,及母女感情。

        很抱歉写的很生硬。ANY HELP E_MAIL:TDU@DAPATECH.COM TEL 416 752 0160
        另外,我儿子(与你女儿一样大)俩月前回了北京,准备明年回来。
      • 好可爱的小姑娘。我都想抱抱了。你的计划可行。
      • 读了尚小姐2篇文章我更断定你没有吃过什么苦,把许多人生中的小挫小折看得很了不起,我相信你是个很重感情的人,但也相信是一个很娇气的人,承担困苦的能力需要提高。
      • 尚影,看了你的贴子几乎使我落泪,我也是一个2个孩子的母亲(不要在乎我的名字,这是我先生的),我深深地被你的那份母爱受感动。初次来加,一定需要朋友的帮助,我在多伦多,如需要帮助请和我联系。比如:接机等
    • 听听我加国生活的感受
      本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛我和你一样,不同的是我女儿6岁,白天她去上学,从9点到3点是我的黄金时间,我也去读书。3点以后,包括星期六和星期天,要完全的面对她,有时,觉得自己要崩溃了。但是回头想一想很可怕,我对自己说:“一定要挺住!”我在想,如果有一天我真的病倒啦,孩子怎么办?来加半年了,刚来时我拖着女儿,拿张地图找房子,去办工卡,医疗卡,买傢俱,买床,什么都得自己去办,当我在bloor下车换yonge东西线地铁时,走出来走进去找不到地方时,孩子对我说:“妈妈别着急”,我的感觉是想哭。但是我只哭过一次,有一天,我打了她,她哭了起来,我说:”大声哭吧,叫警察带走我,要不带走你,这样最好,我可以不用管你了。”这时,她一点声音也没有了,我很难受。那天晚上女儿发烧了,她生病的时候小嘴最甜,她说,妈妈我以后再不惹你生气了,我一定好好学习,妈妈你原谅我一次吧。她睡着了,我哭了,哭得很伤心,多少年也没这么哭过了,很后悔打了她,想想看孩子比我还难,那天她还对我说:"小朋友都不和我玩,她们说什么我都听不懂,妈妈你说这日子怎么过呀!"这以后,我好好反省了自己,我变了,我开心,她也开心,她很注意我的情绪,甚至有时我不高兴,她就会问我:“妈妈你怎么了?”所以,别让你的情绪影响她。
      每个人来到这,都有不同的背景,原因,或者一种追求,没有什么“绝对”之说,对每个人来说机会是相同的,不论是技术移民,还是投资移民,关键是怎样去适应这个社会,技术移民有文凭而没能力和投资移民有钱而不懂英语是同样没有用的。你在大陆也经历了风风雨雨,“头上淋过雨,脚下不怕露水”,相信你一定会面对现实,把握好人生,为了你,也为了孩子。
      孩子这个年龄,我个人认为是不适离开母亲的,我和你一样的心情,我不能再让她没有母爱,孩子这个年龄正是性格,个性形成时期,如果长期缺少母爱,是不利的,孩子的童年时期很快就会过去,将来你会很后悔的,因为你现在肩上有担子,当然走得不会很轻松,但是,这是你所拥有的,是你的责任,你应该坦然地面对。即使你将来再回国发展,也给孩子一个人生的经历,这是很好的,你要用你的言,行,给孩子一个人生的启示,你要勇敢而冷静的面对任何困难,让孩子知道她的母亲是好样的。孩子在大陆,外公外婆把她当掌上明珠,让孩子来到这,吃点苦,是对的。我女儿在大陆是要什么买什么,今天,到了超市,她拿起一个喜欢的玩具,看了又看,拿起又放下,我只装作没在意,她又拿起又放下,然后跟着我离开,始终不向我开口。这换了大陆,她会非要不可。还有一次,放学后买食品,我在付款,她在那边喊:“妈妈,别买袋子了,把东西放我书包里,”一个袋子不过几分钱。还有一次,情人节,我在学校party吃了好多好吃的,可我一点也没想起她,等我去接她回家的时候,她对我说她们开了party,边说边从口袋里掏出一块巧可力,说:“妈妈,给你吃,这是给你留的”。当我去路考驾照前,她对我说:“妈妈,你一定考上,不然又要花好多钱。”真的,也许是环境的改变,女儿变了,她有了爱心,吃饭的时候,她会说:“妈妈,我帮你舀饭”,这个变化是不知不觉的,她懂事了许多。带上你女儿,她在你身边,你会很开心的。

      但也有心情很坏的时候,也想回大陆了,但还是坚持了下来,这是一个现实的社会,有一次,电脑课上到中午,因为我搞不定,我就对一个中国女孩,一个平时我们相处不错,而且是一个即将参加基督洗礼的女孩说:“你去热饭时,帮我热一下好吗?”,她说:“不行,我要热3分钟,帮你热要6分钟”,我真的很吃惊,但是我明白了,这是在加拿大,而不在中国。但是,后来这个女孩病了,很重,一个月没来上课,我买了东西,自己蒸了包子,煲了汤,拖着女儿去看了她两次,为什么,我不知道,还是学会原谅,忍受吧。哎!很多的感触,一时真说不清,说这些给你泼点冷水,你要靠自己,冷静下来,勇敢地面对一切。
      说真的,在加拿大,吃了很多苦,自己刷油漆,装锁,哎,人倒霉的时侯喝凉水都塞牙,摔了一跤就见了骨头,没有人安慰你,只能听到房东的一句:“加拿大的地好硬的了!”不知哭好还是笑好。在大陆,我有自己的公司,自己的车,自己的司机,我想骂谁就骂谁,而今,几乎到了谁想骂我就骂我的地步,每天要作饭,洗碗,而且还要背书包去上学,我作梦也没作到会再次沦落为学生,而且一个老大不小的学生,怎么办?大学毕业14年,什么时候看过书呀,而今要背上书包,带上中午饭去上课,我不知是上帝给我开玩笑,还是我跟上帝开玩笑,回去?当时出来为什么?所以,保持良好的心态,走下去,不为自己,也为孩子。
      在大陆虽然吃过很多苦,商场上也风风雨雨十几年,一个公程失败,我一下损失近百万,濒临破产,我挺住了,家庭破裂,我挺住了,而今天,我几乎挺不住了,但我对自己说:“一定要挺住!”你说呢?因为我们还有一个女儿,坚强起来,一切都会好起来,加拿大同样适合你,我们大家相信你!更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
      • 感动。写得真好。作为一个母亲,理解你说的一切。
      • 真的很感动,祝你好运!
      • 正在上班,看这个贴子,同事奇怪怎么突然感冒了?很感人,也很鼓舞人,祝大家好运!
      • 我也是单身母亲,读了你的文章非常感动,能和你成为朋友吗
        • 能成为你的朋友,我很开心!e-mail:miche626@yahoo.ca
      • 写的真好!!!
      • 感触很深,好样的女人!!!
      • nice! happy mother's day. go out have fun, make more friends.. life is pretty good. hehe. you will miss your single parent life sometimes later.
      • 感人的故事, 可敬的母亲.
      • Please ask the help!
        I just feel sad. As a single mother, you have to
        carry more pressure for living the normal life.

        One thing you must keep in mind, not everyone like
        the chinese girl who you described. If you ask for
        help, I do believe most of Chinese will help you to
        go through the hardest life.

        From my personal experience, most of Chinese I
        met are very nice and want to help each other.

        The only thing you need is asking. Don't be
        so afraid to ask.
        • Thank you! You’re right. When I came to Toronto, I lost my self-confidence. I’m bearing the pressure without any confidence. So I am scared to ask for help. I will
          listen to your words, but it will take time. I need time and confidence to change. Surely, most Chinese are nice. I see the hope and future of Chinese in Rolia.
      • take care! Happy Mother day! Try to open your heart door, make more friends, maybe you can meet another good man as your Mr. Right. He can share some burden. Take care!
      • 我和你差不多, 一个人带一个6岁男孩。来了快3个月。很多时候是无奈。
        • 木已成舟,船已下滩。“无奈”对目前的你来说,是你拥有的一种财富,好好珍惜它。若干年以后,当你回首往事时,,,,,,
      • 两天来不知该用怎样的语言来回复你的贴子。我反复读,再反复想。在反反复复中增添了更多理智,也增加了更多的勇气和希望。
        孩子是毕竟会长大的,我们也是毕竟会适应的,生活是会越变越好的,希望能有你的联系地址,单身母亲,我的已经在前面贴出了,想和你交个朋友,更希望可以互相携持走过人生这特殊的一章,还有Helen和Julie,让我们保持联系好吗?
        你的小女儿需要什么样的礼物,我正好本月可以给她带过来。请与我联系。孩子是应该快乐的。
        • 太多的话,一时不知说什么。总之,你多保重!联系我e-mail:miche626@yahoo.ca,另外有一个朋友的孩子在daycare,是免费的,从早上8点到下午6点,好象是有条件的,我了解后,具体情况e-mail给你,你作参考。
          你要比我难得多,我女儿从早上9点到下午3点去上学了,你女儿4岁,你不能离开她,所以,方方面面的情况都考虑周全,我觉得james的建议很客观,实在,你考虑一下。
          • 你的朋友可能在享受专门针对single parent的welfare,政府可以提供全部生活费用(住房,daycare,额外医疗保险等等)。如果想专心学英语,这也不失为一条路。具体规定见网址:
      • Is that Michelle? Please insist, I believe you will feel better soon. People are easy to forget, when the situation change,
        you will forgot all those vivid pains you have ever had. Only got a story left. Call me if you have time. I've passed G2 driving test too. Talk to you later.
        • Hello, Corel. Congratulations! I’m glad to hear your good news to get G2. How are you doing recently? Thank you very much for your warm words! I'll insist. Keep in touch! Thanks again!
          • Take care, and talk to you later.
      • 实在了不起。是你这样的人使世界变得精彩。
    • hi it is my opinion
      hi in my opinion, I think you should not bring your child to Canada considering your specific situation, leave her in your parents's home
      and then after you finish your further education in Canada, you can pick
      him to come here. You know it is not very easy to find a good job here now needless to say that you have to work all days and at the same time
      care about a so young child. If you want to bring your child here unless you have a lot of money to bring with you to Canada.