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2007-03-13 (BeiBei is 23 weeks and 1 day)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛2007-03-13 (BeiBei is 23 weeks and 1 day)

Last night I had a dream about BeiBei. I dreamed H and I bring BeiBei out for shopping. And I said to my husband: “Look, our daughter is growing so fast. She is not even one year old but she is already reached my nose.” This morning when I having breakfast and told the dream to my husband and my parents, they were laughing at me and my mother said it would be put on the newspaper if BeiBei was growing so fast.

H told me yesterday he met some problems in the office, which I think we always have in different working places. I have a lot of problems here in my office too. How to deal with it is not a big deal. The most important thing is to keep calm self down and keep smiling and keep feeling happy. Thinking about BeiBei is a good way to release myself every time I feel sad, angry or unhappy about some particular co-workers.

BeiBei wake up twice last night at 11:30pm and 1:30am. The first time is because hungry and the second time is because her nose is blocked. I dropped some salt water to her nose which wake her up and feed her some more milk. Basically she sleeps very well last night.

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I was back to work at the beginning of March. And not really got everything prepared. The first weekend, I was busy in shopping for big clothes because I found I can not fit myself in any of my old tops and pants. We went to Costco and Wal-Mart and bought some cheap staffs. I told H I won’t go back to China to see his parents and grandfather if my stomach can not go back to normal size.

Every morning I can’t satisfied myself even with those new clothes, because looking into the mirror it is a mid-age big woman staring at me with tired red eyes, black circles and those short hair flying to every direction. But lucky am I, I don’t have a lot of time to look into the mirror. It is always a big rush in the morning. It takes almost one hour to feeding the baby, change the diaper, wash her face and put the lotion on. Then I need to do all my cleaning and change and eat the breakfast and prepare the bottles and staffs for twice pumping during the day. A few days I forget to draw my eyebrows, and most of the days I forget to spay the perfume. “Now she is a mom.” said my co-workers. I agreed and hide myself under that excuse. A Mom. A new Mom. What that mean? Bad looking, careful less and forgotten-able, dress in big T-shirt and big pants, has the hair and the make-up undone, always rush in and out? :( :( :(

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